Keepalive

#!/usr/bin/env bash

FILE="$HOME/scripts/excuses"

# Linux or BSD ? nf points to the right binary
which numfmt > /dev/null 2>&1 && nf=$(which numfmt) || nf=$(which gnumfmt);

# Linux or BSD ? gs points to the right binary
which shuf > /dev/null 2>&1 && gs=$(which shuf) || gs=$(which gshuf);

if [ ! -e "$FILE" ]; then
    echo ""
    echo "$FILE does not exist"
    echo "##############################################"
    command -v curl >/dev/null 2>&1 || { echo >&2 "Holy cow! You don't even have curl, get lost!"; echo ""; exit 1; }
    mkdir -p $HOME/scripts/
    curl -o $FILE https://pages.cs.wisc.edu/~ballard/bofh/excuses
    echo "##############################################"
fi

keep () {
 clear;
 echo "If you are reading this..." &&  echo  "Congratulations, you are alive."
 echo ""
 echo "You are stuck on the following planet:" `hostname`
 echo "It has been" `date +%s | $nf --g` "seconds since January 1st 1970, this is quite a while..."
 echo ""; echo "Your current excuse is:"; $gs -n 1 $HOME/scripts/excuses
}

while :
do
 keep
 sleep 30
done

./keepalive.sh
If you are reading this...
Congratulations, you are alive.

You are stuck on the following planet: puffy201.planet
It has been 1658870361 seconds since January 1st 1970, this is quite a while...

Your current excuse is:
Power Company having EMP problems with their reactor